GET OUT OF MY HEAD PLEASE!

How much time do you spend inside other people's heads? You might be surprised if you really think about it. Far too many of us spend far too much of our precious time and energy basing our actions, doing or not doing things because of what "they" might think! "I can't really pursue my dreams because my (insert name of whoever you've surrendered your responsibility to) won't like it." I often hear this one, "You may think this is stupid (or some other negative descriptor) but..." And if it's a coaching client who says it, my response is usually, "How do you know what I'm thinking and why would you assume it is negative?"

I did a Best Year Yet workshop a couple of weeks ago and was struck again by how many of the participants related incidents and limiting behaviors related to what others might think. Living out of a mother's expectations 30 years after she's gone; assuming the whole world is focused on you and your choices in life, forgetting that most people are far too busy obsessing about their own mistakes and insecurities to pay much attention to yours.

Stop to examine how many times you do or don't do something because you're afraid of what someone might think. Are you "deciding" not to pursue a long-held dream because of what a parent, spouse or friend might say? Have you withheld your brilliance by not speaking up because "someone" might think your comment or idea was stupid? Do you stop yourself from taking on new challenges and learning new things because of the old voices you've allowed to pollute and permeate your mind? The cost of surrendering your power to choose to the phantoms and voices of others is often resentment, missed opportunities and limited joy.

Maybe it's time to get out of other people's heads and start living life on your terms. This isn't license to suddenly startliving by the "screw you" philosophy. It is license to make decisions based on your value systems and what's important to you now, rather than trying to pretzel yourself to meet what you're guessing others expect, or what a parent, spouse or teacher told you long ago you could or couldn't do .

If your decisions will have an impact on someone else, by all means ask what effect that decision will have. But most of the time when we limit ourselves by assuming "they" (who is "they" anyway?) won't like or support our action, it isn't about hurting someone else, it's about facing our own fears and stepping outside our comfort zone.

Years ago I bought a book because I loved its titled, called "What You Think of Me is None of My Business" by Terri Cole-Whitaker. I've used that book's message many times over the years to untangle myself from the knots caused when I'm living inside someone else's head. And it's true. What others think of you is none of your business, it's their business. Your business is to live your best life based on the values, goals and dreams that are important to you.

Perhaps these words by Nelson Mandela (later quoted by author Marianne Williamson) will remind you of how powerful you really are:


Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?" Actually who are you not to be?
You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone.
As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

This week, get out of other people's heads and start living the life you deserve to live. I, for one, will be cheering you on. Have an amazing week!

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
~Anais Nin

Imagine having 101 of the best and brightest coaches, experts and advisors available at your fingertips to give you strategies to improve every aspect of your life--from relationships to communication, from goal-setting to time management. That's what you'll find in my new book, 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Vol. 3. For more information click on "What's New" or go to: http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?Clk=1818894.

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