Making Things Hard

I have a confession to make that I hope at least a few of you can relate to. That is: I have a tendency to make things harder than they have to be. No really, I do. If there were a degree awarded for this one, I would have a Ph.D in MTH (making things hard).

It’s a bad habit really, and one I’m working to let go of. There’s always a pay-off when we make things harder than they have to be. Sometimes the pay-off is a sense of pride in seeing how much we had to overcome (most of it self-imposed) to reach our goal. Other times it’s the attention we generate from others in the form of: “Oh look how hard she’s working. Isn’t that wonderful!” Still other times we do it because we need the juice that comes from using adrenaline to push toward goals rather than using the natural energy that comes from being naturally drawn in the direction of our dreams and intentions. And sometimes we just love the drama, which is really a combination of all of the above.

How about you? Do you recognize yourself in anything so far? Perhaps you will notice one of your patterns in the following descriptions of favorite strategies for “making things harder than they have to be.” Maybe you have a favorite racket that’s not listed here. Read on and decide whether it’s time to surrender your MTH degree!

# 1-It’s Complicated—This pattern is characterized by the tendency to add extra unnecessary steps in order to either delay completion or feel self-satisfied about doing so much work. It’s a tricky way to put off starting or completing a project. This week instead of seeing how many extra steps something takes, see if you can get the same results by simplifying.

#2-It has to be perfect.—This is a close relative of #1. Someone recently shared with me that when you play the perfectionist game you set the bar so high you force yourself to play “small” to insure you get under it. Does that task or project really have to be perfect? Few things do. Decide what the standard is, then go for it. As I have shared on regular occasions here, imperfect and done beats perfect and undone every time.

#3-When-then.—The “when-then” game is a way of promising to do something after you’ve completed 10 other things. “When my children are grown, then I’ll pay attention to myself,” for example. When-then makes things harder because you are setting up useless obstacles that serve one purpose: putting off what you say you want to do. Ask yourself a couple of powerful questions when you’re caught inthe“when-then” cycle: How can I start taking action now on that promise or intention? What am I avoiding by not acting on it now? It’s really a game you made up. You can change the rules.

#4-Unconscious patterns—All of the above are patterns of behavior that have been conditioned over time. Simply becoming aware of the unconscious patterns that are running your behavior is a huge step forward. Become skilled at noticing when you’re acting out the various rackets of “making things harder.” Often just becoming aware can help unhook you. Usually however it is a combination of awareness and action thatdisconnects the MTH patterns. Start noticing how much of what you do is run by one of these unconscious patterns and begin taking steps to shift the balance of power.

In this season of high expectations and extra activities and responsibilities get clear that you’re probably making things much harder than they have to be. The “world” isn’t judging you (trust me, most people are too busy running their own “MTH” racket to pay much attention to yours); you’re judging you. Start this week to live from a new pattern, one that allows room for your humanity, humility and natural joy to show up. Whata gift to give yourself and those around you this holiday.

Give the Gift of Inspiration

Here are two ideas for gifts that keep on giving: Share the gift of inspiration this season with one of Simple Truths more than 40 inspirational books and framed prints.

Compass Coaching has created three wonderful gift-giving packages, including its new Teen Pack coaching program! Take a look at www.mylifecompass.com/bmahalik!!