Attitudes are REALLY Contagious

Attitudes are REALLY Contagious

I had the opportunity this past week to speak on a subject I’m increasingly passionate about:  emotional intelligence.  During the presentation, which provided an overview and many examples of the power of EQ—both positive and negative—I was reminded of the old adage: “Attitudes are contagious.  Is yours worth catching?” 

The person who brought it up reminded us that toxic, negative attitudes are particularly problematic in a team environment because of their power to pollute and drag down the attitudes of others on the team.  It’s a phenomenon we’ve all experienced many times both personally and professionally. 

Then as I read Daniel Goleman’s latest entry in the EQ field, he shared results of a study that explains why such emotional toxicity is so powerful and why it happens so automatically.  It is not simply a psychological process but actually springs from our neuro-biology at a very basic level.  In short “mirror neurons” in the brain of one person fire in response to the emotional “charge” or signals being sent out by another.  Because the original research involved monkeys, it is sometimes called the “monkey see, monkey do” effect. 

For example, if I walk into a restaurant feeling generally happy and am greeted by a host or hostess that appears negative, rude or unresponsive, I will have a tendency to respond negatively to her and the rest of the staff I encounter, no matter how good the food is. 

Likewise, in a study where people were given performance feedback—some negative, some positive, if the negative feedback was giving in a very warm, positive and upbeat tone, the person receiving it walked out feeling pretty good about the interaction.  If they were given positive feedback in a very cold, critical or judgmental tone, the response was negative—even though the feedback was positive! 

So besides being fascinating (at least to me) why am I sharing this with you in Monday Morning Coach?  Because if we’re unaware of how our brains are wired, or how we are likely to react, or perhaps how we may be subtly creating negativity around us, we can’t intelligently choose to respond or shift our messages for a better outcome.  This field is ripe with so many valuable applications in our everyday lives!  And it begins with self-awareness.

Here are some simple things you can practice to become more emotionally intelligent, and to be the one who is spreading positive attitudes regardless of what is happening around you: 

1)      Start monitoring your moods.  I call this the “check in.”  Several times a day, just check in with yourself and see how you’re feeling mentally and emotionally.  If you find that you’re worried or anxious about something, now you’re in a position to more effectively respond or cope with the situation before it triggers a negative emotional meltdown or over-reaction.

2)      Use the power of the pause to avoid being automatically triggered to react when someone is sending out negative “vibes.”  For example, if the hostess mentioned above is rude or negative, instead of automatically being rude back, take a couple of seconds to simply breathe and pause to allow the hair-trigger reaction to subside. 

3)      Pay attention to your “explanatory style.”  In his best-selling book titled Learned Optimism, Dr. Martin Seligman provides extensive evidence that the story you tell yourself about an experience determines whether you are an optimist or a pessimist, and is far more important than your actual experience.  Start noticing how you mentally explain situations such as the rude hostess.  You have a choice to describe her behavior like this:  “She is rude and obnoxious.  These young people have no manners and I should call the manager to tell him how she treated me!” Or like this:  “Maybe she’s having a bad day.  But I don’t have to let my interaction with a restaurant hostess put me in a bad mood.  I’m going to choose to smile and thank her anyway.”

4)      Practice sending positive non-verbal messages.  This is especially important for those people who tend to be very non-emotive.  Practice smiling at others for no reason and watch what happens!  By the way, I’m not suggesting you be insincere or walk around with a cheesy grin plastered on your face. But a slight smile is truly an international signal of goodwill.  Other positive non-verbal signals include friendly eye contact, open body posture (vs. closed, crossed arms/legs, etc.), and a warm, friendly tone of voice.

5)      When you have to give negative feedback, practice delivering the news with as much warmth and compassion as possible.  One reason I recommend Toastmasters as a great training program is because they actually teach the power of positive feedback through the evaluation process.  It is a learnable skill!

6)      Get to know yourself under stress.  How do you tend to react when stressed?  Do you tense up?  Do you become more negative?  The more you recognize how stress affects you, the better able you are to manage your behavior effectively in stressful situations.  Instead of automatically being triggered and then spreading the negativity, create a “stress busting” counter-attack!

7)      Keep your sense of humor!  Find things everyday to laugh at and about.  My four dogs, for example, provide me an almost endless variety of humor-provoking moments.  Humor has so many physical, mental, psychological benefits.  YouTube is a wonderful resource for positive humor that can be used to help you keep your emotional equilibrium and spread positive vibes. 

Every day we have the opportunity to spread positivity and good will in our interactions with others.  As a leader, manager or supervisor the way in which you offer feedback or simply the non-verbal messages you send when you walk in the door shape those you are leading far more than you probably realize.  As a parent your mood, attitude and tone when disciplining your children often means the difference between deepening the bond or more deeply dividing the relationship.  As a business owner, the employees who provide  customer service can make or break your business with their attitudes.  Are you hiring for attitude and training for skill?  Are you providing EQ coaching and/or training to help those who need it? 

Be a positive attitude leader starting today.  Remember you have the power to set the tone for your family, your co-workers, even total strangers when you realize that your attitude is contagious.  You can literally dictate whether you set in motion the positive or the negative chain reaction.  I don’t know about you but just realizing that I have that much influence is exciting. 

And it’s my hope that just reading today’s MMC creates such positive vibes that no matter what has happened so far, the attitude you share from this point forward is 100% positive!